The Bees and The Birds
by Kaiya Mouri
Summary: Splinter tries to explain the facts of life to his sons at the age of 25. How does the talk go? You be the judge.


A/N: This is a co-authored fic by me and Hex. It was actually an RPG that she and I were doing and we come up with this part and I told her that one of us had to post this. Since she didn't put it up, I'm doing it. But THIS WAS ALMOST ALL HEX'S IDEA!  
  
Summary: Master Splinter FINALLY tells his sons about the "bees and the birds". How will they react?  
  
Master Splinter looked at his sons proudly as he watched them talk like never before. His eldest, Leonardo, had finally found someone whom he loved and wanted to share the rest of his life with, serving and protecting. He chuckled to himself to think that he would be performing the ceremony.  
  
Suddenly, he realized he had never told his twenty-five year old sons an important lesson, "The facts of life." He had dreaded this from the very moment they reached the age of ten. For years, he put it off, praying that maybe his sons would never grow up but they all grew up and now, he needed to give them the talk.  
  
Slow, he walked over to his sons and cleared his throat. He was starting to sweat under his robe as he readied himself for the talk. He took a deep breath before clearing his throat louder to get his son's attention.  
  
"Leonardo, I think it is time I speak to you about something," he said confidently.  
  
"What is it, Sensei?" asked Leonardo, innocently.  
  
He started to sweat even more, knowing that he couldn't just tell Leonardo. He needed to tell all of them.  
  
"I think all of you must hear this," said Master Splinter.  
  
"Okay," said Raph suspiciously.  
  
"What is it, Sensei?" asked Don.  
  
"What?" asked Mikey.  
  
"It is about.how shall I put this? Your animal instincts," stated Master Splinter trying to be as confident as possible.  
  
"Our what?" asked Leonardo, in shock.  
  
"Is this the talk I think we're going to get?" whispered Don.  
  
"I don't know," whispered Raph.  
  
"What is it they call it on TV? Ahh yes, 'the bees and the birds,'" said Master Splinter.  
  
"Umm, do you mean 'the birds and the bees,' Master?" corrected Mikey.  
  
Raph slowly put his head down, trying to show his near laughter. He had already known this information thanks to the media and now, Master Splinter was going to tell him the facts of life. 'He's a bit late for this,' thought Raph as he continued to hold in his laughter.  
  
"I was right," mumbled Don.  
  
Leo fidgeted uncomfortably. He REALLY didn't want to hear this. He wanted to continue planning the wedding he had been planning with his fiancé for a while. He sighed to himself as he shoved a hand into his belt pouch to toy with the little trinket that his love had given him. 'We're twenty five and were just getting this NOW' thought Leo.  
  
"Ahh yes, thank you my son. Now, uhh, when a male and a female get together," started Master Splinter, trying not to seem nervous.  
  
"He's going to try and explain our own anatomy?" whispered Mike to Don as his eyes widened while Master Splinter started to talk.  
  
"I'm afraid so," whispered Don in return.  
  
"And they are in love, they uhh...is it hot in here?" asked Master Splinter as he reached for the glass of water one of his sons was drinking.  
  
"Sensei, are you sure you want to tell us this?" asked Leo, trying to make it easier on his Master.  
  
"Yes, it is important," answered Master Splinter after sipping the cool water.  
  
"I think one of us knows this stuff already," whispered Don as he looked over at Raph.  
  
"Oh yeah," whispered Mikey as he eyed Raph.  
  
Raph was starting to shake. He was so close to bursting at the seams. He just wanted to laugh at the thought that Master Splinter was telling them at this very time in their lives. Using all of his will power, he continued to hold his laughter in.  
  
"Think we should tell him we know this stuff?" whispered Don to Mikey.  
  
"Well, if you love each other enough...no wait, I already said that," said Master Splinter starting show that he was nervous as he continued to drink the water.  
  
"I think so," whispered back Mikey to Don.  
  
Suddenly, Raph burst out laughing. He just couldn't control himself as Master Splinter tried to tell him about the facts of life. He fell onto his shell and rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.  
  
Master Splinter looked at his son, almost disappointed. He just couldn't believe that his son would laugh at something that was so serious. He needed to know this information and here he was, laughing on the floor.  
  
"Is there something funny, Raphael?" asked Master Splinter, sternly  
  
"I.I.I'm sorry, Sensei," laughed Raph.  
  
Mikey and Don joined in with Raph's laughter. They just couldn't take it. It was amazing what their curious teenage minds had discovered.  
  
"Umm, Raph already knows about this...in fact we all do," said Leo as he stifled laughter.  
  
"And how is this?" sternly asked Master Splinter.  
  
"TV," answered Raph.  
  
"Books," answered Don.  
  
"Internet," answered Mike.  
  
"Raph, Don, and Mike," answered Leo.  
  
"And we.uhh.kinda know our own bodies," added Mike.  
  
"Well.uhh.I am pleased that you know. I am not pleased how you found out but... I shall be in my study," stuttered Master Splinter, with relief.  
  
Master Splinter walked away, relieved that it was over. He never wanted to tell them in the first place but he was glad that he didn't have to continue. As he walked away, he failed to hear the laughs coming from his sons.  
  
"Poor sensei," chuckled Leo as he shook his head.  
  
"Tell me about it," laughed Mikey.  
  
"That was funny. I wish I had a video camera," laughed Raph as he got off the floor finally.  
  
"I think he would have punished us if we taped him," commented Don.  
  
"Yeah," agreed Mikey.  
  
"Well, if he didn't know that we taped him," said Leo with a sly grin.  
  
"What are you talking about?" asked Mikey, curiously.  
  
"I accidentally pressed record," said Leo as he pulled his fiancé's hand held tape recorder from his pouch.  
  
Don, Raph and Mikey laughed. Their older brother was never known for pulling stunts but this had to be the best and the funniest that he had ever pulled.  
  
"Yeah, accent the accidentally! Leo that was the best stunt ever pulled," laughed Raph.  
  
"Shhh!" shushed Leo as he put a finger to his beak.  
  
Raph, Don and Mikey quickly became quiet. They still snickered here and there about it. Then they looked at Leo.  
  
"Hey, Leo, since you're the first getting married, you now know what not to do when explaining the bees and the birds to your kids," said Mikey, still laughing a bit.  
  
"Very funny, Mikey," said Leo as he left the room, off to play the tape for his fiancé. 


End file.
